Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
Flying to Orlando on the 7th is cheaper than the 8th by like three margaritas.
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
I'm officially "accidentally set myself on fire" drunk
I call it my summer of slut; except summer lasts from May until December. It's been incredibly successful
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
its cute though when you google his name more than one mug shot comes up from different states
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
If we both don't have awesome filthy sexual experiences to share in the morning...we are no longer best friends.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
