I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
oh there is nothing like the 1st beerbong of the school year
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
I just got a flashback from Saturday night of you helping me wash my feet in the bar's bathroom.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
this is terrible I feel like i'm trapped in a cage with a wild republican
I have a bruise on dick where you tried to "high five" me.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
He is what would appear if the douche troop all had rings and we summoned someone like the Captain Planet kids.
I can't decide which is better: the sex, or remembering that I have ice cream in the freezer after he left
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
i can't believe i helped you shave your back last night, and she still didn't sleep with you.
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize