I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
Last night I saw a drag queen take a shot of Red Hot that was soaked into a tampon. I fucking love my life!
Just saw a homeless guy with a sign that said "Family abducted by aliens. Need money for ransom" and on the back of the sign it said "And it's only $.88"
I just gave the bartender my number in roman numerals. If she figures it out, she's worth a shot
Im sick of reading dumb tattoos while having sex
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
the trick is not to think about where her tounge has been.
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
Dude, double fisting packs of Ramen saved my life last night
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
I feel like asking for a towel for after I puke before I puke to be more respectful than jus going outside to puke and coming back inside covered in sweat and tears.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
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