I can't open my eyes
Lol why not?
Because I have fat ankles and I'm drunk
So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I want you to tape your fingers together and give me a lobster claw hand job.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
New major. Tourism Management. I dont know what it is but it sounds like something all the stupid slutty failed business management majors do.
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
In my dream I had to eat so many peanut butter and Nutella sandwiches
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
Nobody cheats on THIS.
Randomize
