Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
epic walk of shame this morning involving 2 subway transfers. I need to start sexing locally.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
The saddest thing about graduating is that we won't have free access to STI screening anymore
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
like, there should be nothing wrong with me wanting to watch you put on a bikini and roll around in a kiddie pool of jello
I told him he had to put his dick inside of me at approx 1159 to ensure it was birthday sex. i was 19 when he entered me.. came out 20. winning.
Randomize
