she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
listen if there's one thing I'm asking of you tonight is that you buy me a cow for my farmville.
Tell me you're stoned. It's 2:40am.
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
I'm sober in pajamas at a bar. Nothing is ok about that statement.
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
If your relationships aren't working out because she doesn't have a penis THEN maybe you should give dudes another go
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
The "don't have sex with him again" alerts you set on my phone just started going off.
Good. "Seriously, don't do it" should start in about five minutes.
The last thing I remember from that party was me shouting "hold my feet I'm going in strapped like Rambo"
I went through my entire iTunes library and made a playlist called "Feelings". I have 7.5 hours of feelings.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Once you share a nude experience with someone and three Norwegian guys, you're bound for life.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
Randomize
