kristin has been a bad kristin
Only a mothe r could love this liver
You were screaming at a bartender last night for not referring to you as god.
and apparently I tried to pay for beer with a tampon.
totally poinked my lawyers daughter in his hot tub last night. i figure getting off is just compensation for not getting me off.
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
Fake an illness. Her and her friends are like the female version of guys who wear tapout shirts
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
Some guy walked in while I was taking a piss and asked me if I knew of a back way out of the bar. He looked pretty freaked out.
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
Everyone's going out for thirsty Thursday and I'm just like. Cool. Enjoy yourself. I'm gonna eat an entire pizza and watch King of Queens reruns.
Would you laugh at me if I told you I think I burned my nipples?
I was drunk in the shower and i decided to shave. Im now bleeding to death
Randomize
