It was the single greastest thing to happen to my dick ever
he kept asking me "do you love it? tell me you love it" as I was riding him.
and...?
I told him it was alright.
He has a chalkboard tally in his bathroom of "Me vs. Toilet". He's losing.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
i just found out the cashier has a picture of my junk in her phone.
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
No, the real question is if you drink like I drink why WOULDN'T you wear a cape.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
you kept saying "i will not *breathe* regret this *breathe* in the morning *breathe* i just gotta remember *breathe* to BREATHE"
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Of the three people getting wasted at this dance competition, im two of them
I just sent Brandon a snapchat where I wasn't wearing a shirt but had a rooster drawn on my boobs that said "cock block" and laughed for 10 minutes I have problems don't judge me
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
Randomize
