Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
Doing Jager Bombs on a Sunday morning is justified...How else is my team going to win?
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
I just laughed at the word pudding. I have no idea whats going on right now.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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