Fuck U Mike is a golden god.
Mike give steph back her phone.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
some how when im high sleep beats hunger...its like how paper beats rock it doesnt make any fucking sense but it still happens
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'd rather not be labeled as that girl who came over, drank a bunch of their alcohol, woke up the 5 year old, broke shit and left
Yeah. I mean it wasn't that awkward. I just made conversation like there was absolutely no lack of pants.
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
I have a boner in one of my pics with her which no one noticed.
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
When I told her I was deaf and took my hearing aids out at night to sleep, she said it must be nice not having to hear drunken roommates having awkward sex late at night.
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
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