I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I am not sure how to feel about the fact that I was turned on by someone with a penis. I can't believe Lady Gaga would do this to me. :(
You kept whispering, no one does me like Jimmy Johns does me.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
Me and Jason had to grab your legs and arms and drag you in the house. You kept screaming "leave me for dead"
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
Unexpected pussy is the best kind. Never expected to get any from a stranger at my little brother's bar mitzvah.
Mazeltov!
Just stopped at a cross walk because the light turned red 3 streets down. I'm way too high.
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
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