Listen the way I know if I'm drunk is if I have stage fright in the pisser if I do then I'm not drunk! And I definitely still do right now!
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
So the guy sitting next to me is watching dungeons and dragons on youtube. I didnt realize you could get more pathetic than actually playing the game.
what did gay clubs do before lady gaga
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
I might come over. Something about you makes me matronly and I have this urge to nurse you back to health with soup and a blowjob
So the bump is from hitting my head in an elevator. Apparently I dived into a cab head first too.....
Basically, I'm sure one day I'll look back on this part of my life and be ashamed....
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
She just asked to come over. She's either going to bring one of her dads guns and kill me or we're going to end up having insane lesbian sex.
It's not above me to sleep with him solely for his authentic budweiser shirt
COKE WAS NOT ON THE ITINERARY FOR TONIGHT.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
He sent me a pic and then I suffered dick amnesia about the rest of that
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Randomize
