hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
idk how it happened. she made a very smooth transition from crying to blowing me
I say that when we get our grades back we're making a drinking game out of it.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
You act like I'm the first person to try and hook up with a blind chick.
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Randomize
