You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
Yea. The knew something was up when i told them i had to go pick up goat milk and and and a roasted chicken at 2 am
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Please collect your boy friend. He semi-passed out on the couch and trying to grab bums as people walk by. Anyone's bum, he's not choosy.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
hot take: drunk me can walk through walls?
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
Randomize