margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
the next pure michigan commercial i see, i am going to pee in a fucking lake
My parents just checked my browsing history and now think I'm addicted to porn and am a necrophiliac. 1: I know it was you. 2: You're so dumped, that shit is sick.
You asked the officer if he could bring you to the same jail as T.I.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
The bartender laughed but the manager kicked me out when the mom conplained. There's no way my fart harmed that baby in any way
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
I have commenced my lesbian college experimentation. Wish me luck
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
Well I just took a pregnancy test... So how's your thanksgiving?
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
Randomize
