Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
I just puked in my fish tank. Helloooooo summer.
he turned down sex AND sandwiches. who the hell does that?!
I just saw a fat chick ask the bartender to top her corona off with grenandine cuz she has a "sweet tooth" no that's diabetes fatty
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
So hungover. Have a black eye from where I tried to brush my teeth and stabbed myself in the eye instead. Should make the performance review I was stress drinking about go so much better.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
well, unfortunately the rug burn lasted longer than the actual relationship
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