i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
I'll pull you in a wagon. You'll have a sash and a crown on and we'll sing "All the Single Ladies"
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
animal crackers drenched in taco bell mild sauce... surprisingly delightful
breakfast of champions
breakfast of stoners
Why are you awake at 6am and liking photos from rando Russian chicks on Instagram?
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
What, That's like a total 7 inches of cock and 6 are from Joe. Don't be mad at me because you had the lamest orgy ever.
Randomize
