I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
We got so high yesterday we tried watching soccer
Was I wearing clothes when I handed you your keys. Please tell me I was wearing clothes.
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Who the fuck superglued glowsticks to my arm.
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
Since Josh is going to be Carl Sagan for Halloween, he bought a turtleneck and sportsman jacket. It's all my nerd fantasies come true.
He caught a cramp during sex and I was like "do you want me to get you a banana?" And he responded with "I'll give you a banana" and kept going. I'm marrying him.
Dude, he paid us overtime to smoke weed out of a bong at his house
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I HATE HIM SO MUCH I HOPE HE GETS IN SOME WEIRD ACCIDENT WHICH MAKES IT IMPOSSIBLE FOR HIM TO NUT
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
he was peeing off the deck shouting "urinals are for pussies" that's how much hurricane.
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