Duck Duck Cougar?
i wish that high-me and normal-me were two different ppl so that high-me could thank normal-me for setting out a feast before smoking
I wish that high-you wouldn't text me stupid shit at 3:30 in the morning
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
Honestly I was sitting in managerial accounting thinking "I really need to get my shit together and stop drinking so much wine." But when you asked I realized... it's wine. It's always a yes.
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Apparently his version of saying "I'm Sorry" is streaking around our apartment building then asking for a blow job.....
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
