so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
Clearly, I'm already going to hell, so there's no point in trying anymore.
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
I sleep with the gay men, they no longer have questions about their sexuality. No strings attached at it's finest and i get new shopping buddies out if it. It really is a win win situation.
You are my idol.
We had sex in the bathroom. Good sex. Toilet breaking sex.
We couldve played the bring a random boy to lunch game but i made him go home
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
If you keep giving me that glorious dick ill bake you some cookies
Once upon a time I threw up in my own hands last night.
You should have thought of that before emitting walrus sounds while intoxicated
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize