I think I died a long time ago.
i had a dream that your penis turned into a long neck dinosaur
did it start talking like on Land before time?
have you ever been in a public bathroom and someone walked in, and you played "Fat or Crying" based on her breathing?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Hey just to warn you theres a really fat guy passed out in front of our front door snoring. Don't touch him, he's in god's hands now.
He's going to let me keep his bowl in my car. Does that make us Facebook official?
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
From the bottom of my heart, thanks for never sending me unsolicited dick picks.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Do you know this guy sitting in front of us? Asking for my vagina.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
Im looking at the faintest of claw marks right now. I just fell in love all over again.
I wiped my ass with a McDonalds wrapper. I've hit an all time low. Sorry for my impatience
Let's do something tonight. I feel like setting things on fire.
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