I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
and that's how I found out my dad doesn't believe in towels... holiday magic.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
Theres a fat guy wearing a speedo. Someone just got puked on, and didnt even react. Whats happening?
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
She is ok w me having sex for money. Just gotta find rich grandmas.
Fun fact: I don't want to be an actual functioning adult because why
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
idk how many shots you took between 2:39 and 3:05, but your message went from "Please text me tomorrow." to "Why you sto textom?"
Randomize
