If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
He once got bit in the face by a dog and still got laid the same night. He owns Memorial Day Weekend
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Im glad the only reason we got out of bed today was to get Halloween candy on sale.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
Well, during the ride home I had to personally apologize to both of her breasts.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Ok, you agree to the terms? We can have sex, but this doesn't mean we're back together...it just means we're working on things. Got it? Sign here.
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