You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
That girl would be great looking if she lost 1000 pounds and cut off her head.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
Which is worse rug burn on your nipples or laying there after wondering how long you have to cuddle before you can sneak away?
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
We definitely need to avoid these "I'm gonna get stabbed if I stay here any longer" partys
I had to smuggle a street sign attached to a 14ft long pole out of my house this morning. The list of reasons for me not to drink just keeps getting longer.
Dude what the fuck...
I figured it out. If I have at least 4 shots of vodka before I start my day, EVERY day will be a good day.
This is a sacred holiday in the land of the free! I do what I want!
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I caught a glimpse of his penis. I can only imagine what your mom's vagina goes through because of that penis
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