apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
When you say shenanigans does that mean I should bring birth control?
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
Molly I still can't believe u puked in that guys hands and still got laid
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
soo... how was my night?
I woke up next to my bosses toilet.i wish you had just left me in the neighbors yard.
That’s the third time this month he’s hooked up with a girl by telling her it’s his bachelor party, and he’s not even dating a chick let alone engaged.
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