i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
he busted in while i was showering looked at me and said "youve lost weight bro, no homo" and started puking into the sink
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
At least you got a round of applause for dancing like vanilla ice across the street and into the bar. Even as you were getting carded
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I'm wearing jeans from 7th grade and drinking a fucking macchiato. This better be a good day.
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
Randomize
