I would say the hottest chick there looked like Susan Boyle and the ugliest like Bea Arthur
Nice use of current day folklore
It was literally me in an evening gown and him in a tux with six bottles of Vodka at Jons.
And this was for your brother's Christening?
how do you say happy birthday to the guy that almost got you pregnant? i cant just write the same thing as last year.
He's having a heart to heart coversation with the keg about what he should do with his life.
fun fact of the day: the man setting up my checking account at my bank has thrown up on my front lawn.
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Who put the meatball sub on my door handle?
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Yea and there’s destruction when we’re together, mostly of our livers but W/e
Randomize