drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
you know he's having a sex change. I can't believe you called him "titty man" to his face....
i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
When I unzipped my pants I said "Release the Cracken"... she dug it so we're getting married soon.
she said they gang banged her to "who let the dogs out." the dude left of the middle barked along. sounds like a good time.
Let's put it this way, it's 9am and that box of wine looks like the cure
Hurricane my ass. I'm riding a god damn kayak down the flooded highway if it's the last god damn thing I do, god damnit.
It was just like old times except for going to hangover throw up before waking my parents up to open presents. Merry Christmas!
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Did you hear about Miss Teen Delaware? From the snippet they played on the radio, I knew exactly what porn company it was from. Maybe I should cut back
How does a law student 15 days away from graduation prepare for a pass fail final? Drinking beer, eating thick cut bacon, and watching game of thrones, that's how
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
HIGH AS FUCK. JUST WATCHED THE TRIPPIEST VIDEO EVER. IM NOT SCARED OF PANDAS. I GOTTA GO. TRIPPIN AGAIN
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
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