I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
he was so nervous about his first time.. it was like michael j. fox trying to put on a condom...
Drinking in an igloo changes everything.
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
So i was told that i peed in the sink, had sex with a pillow and banged on a washer while singing idian chants
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Dead. I am actually dead. Also, worst nightmare confirmed: throwing up in a four hundred person lecture.
I accidentally left my shirt at my booty calls house. He washed it & hung it up for me in his closet. I can't decide if that's sweet or creepy
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Shelly has the weirdest luck. Dude offered her a job riding a bucking bronco and it was not porn or stripping but an actual g-d cow.
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