I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
never trust anyone who drives a pt cruiser.... write that down
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
We used a lit joint as a candle for her birthday cake
you can officially check off peeing off the 5th floor while shouting "I want to break the guinness world record for longest piss stream" off your college to do list.
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Finished sriting an apology letter to my liver 2 weeks before st. Patricks game on
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
Randomize
