____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
There's a high school volleyball camp on campus this summer. I'm definitely going to jail.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Question: would Brian be pissed if I brought his 17 year old sister as my date to the wedding?
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
Condoms and Ice Cream, that's all we need.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
Your first mistake was thinking that you could get through the day without drinking a single bottle of alcohol. Your second mistake was wearing shark boxers.
Also at one point I told him to say my name and it took him like 5 seconds to remember.
IT'S LIKE LOOKING INTO GOD'S VAGINA!!!!
Randomize