Taylor Swift is so right about you.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
He was drinking a long island through his Breathalyzer tube.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
my mom just said "if you had sex with someone you don't really like I'm going to be so mad at you" HOW DOES EVERYBODY KNOW
I'm going to crush up my last 7 Percocets into a fine powder and toss my popcorn in it.
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
Probably gonna run and pray I throw up. Then go get a coffee/bagel & continue to rally
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
We were sexting and i didn't know what to say, so i said i wanted to wrap him in tortillas and devour him like a burrito. then i went on by saying that i liked my burritos with a lot of cheese.
If you send me another picture of a donut on your penis while I'm at work, I may have to slap you With the donut.
Randomize
