i just spit dirty mouth water on my dentist. and apparently grinning sheepishly and saying "my b" doesn't make it better
i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
she was screaming in french about how classy it was to be drinking wine. oh... she was drinking it out of the bottle. with a beer in her other hand while throwing up.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
Champagne pong turned into an expensive and painful experience.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I got hella high today and freaked out about life and interest rates
Carver called his mom a milf again
Was it on purpose this time?
Our friendship just got weirder. He snapchated me the porn he was watching.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Sorry, my phone died and I decide to charge my vibrator instead. #priorities
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