My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
after eating me out, he asked for something to drink. i gave him a glass of water and he said he needed something stronger.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
This american gymnastics guy.... He just messed up. I feel so bad. I just wanna hug him until he stops crying. Not even in a sexual way. I just wanna hug him.
I'm gonna take a nap by the fireplace and pretend like I know what day it is.
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
Yea. You locked yourself outside naked with nothing but running shoes and claimed it was a "parent trap thing."
Randomize
