Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Theyr drawing diagrams to try to explain to me how high they are
becoming an adult blows. i don't think its possible for me to wake up for anything that doesn't involve kegs and eggs or half naked bums passed out in our yard.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Jesus himself couldn't make a better sandwich
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
I'm trying to find a fanny pack so I can bring pizza on my run
Im just an angry damaged little elf who wanders around and tries to find drugs.
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
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