i am NOT doing that with my feet, or any part of my body
If a cop asks you "Where do you go for fun?", it's not a pick up line...especially if he just pulled you over.
Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
Yeah. I've decided no relationship can survive me shoving my boobs in the guys face
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
Enroute to my place eta 6 mikes...estimated time until intoxicated? 45 mikes. Commence the timer.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Yes. I'm realizing that sports games are good reasons to drink. I just cheer when everyone else cheers.
NO ITS THAT IM A SEXUAL DEVIANT AND CANT FILTER MYSELF
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I'm too pretty to be this sexually frustrated.
Man it shouldn't be possible to get mad while you're stoned. I feel like ive broken one of the laws of physics
Randomize
