I got chris browned last night
just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
the women in the ladies room did not appreciate my innovation of turning a sink into a urinal
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
My vagina is scared and excited at the same time. It might not be able to sleep tonight.
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
I can't even tell you how many rave sticks I tore apart with my teeth last night.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
You tripped over nothing.. everyone stopped what they were doing and stared..you stood up and yelled "you win this time gravity"..then started chugging someone's drink
I woke up with jello shots in pant pockets so I must've had fun
This conversation went from me banging other women's husbands to learning about baked goods. If that isn't personal growth I don't know what is.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
Randomize