I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
Bubblewrap condoms. We can steal Ziplock's new slogan. Protection you can hear.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
I just remembered you throwing bread at me and getting me to drink water out of a heineken bottle. You are my best friend.
We knew we were dealing with a pro when some random guy at the bar thew you over his shoulder and you still didn't spill your drink
Strangely enough, that's not the first time that's happened
found $100 my ex got arrested and I can receive free health insurance I gotta tell ya 2014 is really going to be my year
Stay positive! You think people like sad vaginas? NO! You'll get some!
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
I got snowed in at my parent's. everyone's asleep so I'm smoking a joint in my old room and watching Tarzan on a 12" tv.
They must be so glad to have you home...
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
Is it wrong to want to have sex with one guy who's good in bed before going out on a date with a guy I actually like?
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
And then he tried to convince me that he could wear a condom instead of pants to go out.
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