Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Dear Mark, please dispose of your crusty mcdonalds napkins used to jerk it at my desk
discrete masterbation is a lost art
they had a keg party to fund her abortion.
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Nah it's cool, I made him pinky promise me he wouldn't die if I left him passed out in the bathroom.
I got a handjob to the OC theme song. It was like going back in time 7 years.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I just watched my high school guidance counselor pee in the backyard of this party.
Randomize
