sometimes i wish i was the girl in a porno. that way if i couldn't get any, i'd just order a pizza and do him.
I had one margarita and got the worst headache of my life... its like my liver has senior week ptsd
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
she's using the space heater to try to heat up a pop-tart...
Just for the record its a bit awkward when you introduced me to your friends at your house as your brother and then insisted in front of them that I sleep in your bed with you
She sat on the toilet backwards so that she could hold onto the back part for balance. No she's not ready to go home.
Why must everything this weekend have to do with something going into or coming out of my vagina?
Dude get here. I just re-invented nachos. For real though. They werent real before right now
I got so many dick pics last night. It was like a slideshow from heaven.
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
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