they just came back. i guess "were gonna go get dinner" means "were gonna fuck for 5 minutes at the little league field"
When do i get to see u next week?
When I teabag your entire family
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
I just smoked my last bit of kief with a grill lighter. This is what crackheads must feel like.
i just spent 10 minutes talking to the lady who works at taco bell about my romantic situation.
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
Aint no party like a Broke College Girls Eating Stuffed Crust Pizza party
Terrible idea I love it
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
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