last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
he even offered to make my bed in the morning.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
Running across campus through Hurricane Sandy while hammered and in a slutty cowgirl costume obviously should be top priority tonight
Also I've decided that I'm buying the next friend of mine who is dumb enough to get married a live porcupine as a wedding present.
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
I know it's like I wanna bring somebody fun who I haven't drunkenly expressed my feelings for. Or hooked up with. It's a struggle.
I'm in jersey with marbles.. He's blasted about to fuck a manatee and his entire family is trying to stop it. His mother punched me in the chest for not trying hard enough
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
Randomize
