Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
you decided to have a spaghetti fight but then you got greedy and decided to eat it all.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
My dad just asked Siri to "help me find my daughters dignity."
If you were my daughter, I'd do the same thing.
I JUST FOUND AN INTERNATIONAL POLE DANCING CHAMPIONSHIP IN SPANISH
I see your walk of shame and raise you a day in jail wearing a girls old workout clothes.
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
You sat down in the middle of the road and started crying. We told you "Get your ass up or we're leaving you here." You replied "They'll findddd meeeeee" and ran after us.
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