so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
you have a cum towel under your bed, you're the definition of single
The drugs are starting to wear off. Suddenly aware there's a girl with bald patches and 2 guys that don't have a full set of teeth between them.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
Get off me. I'm done. I want a cookie.
I just accidentally showed an old lady a pic of my penis while showing her cat pics. So how's your day going?
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
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