You should never have let annie watch you have sex with other women
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
she made my bed before she left. i think i'm gonna keep banging her to get the housework done
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
I'm just gonna get real fat and join the circus.
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I woke up in a cornfield to shouting, a bottle of Jim Beam, and a bunch of mc muffins. If this doesn't scream Illinois, idk what does.
Ryan. I woke up. At the neighbors house. And by the neighbors. I mean the ones to the north. The ones that hate us. Please call me. I am so confused and you are gone
At the neighbors house?! Like in it or outside???
In it on the fucking couch. No idea how i got here.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Randomize
