I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
I am in shape. i keep telling you that.
Round is not "in shape," it's "a shape."
If there was a god I would have a big mac right now, but i don't
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
he told me while inside me and mid thrust that he's dreamed of that moment since high school... awkward
Showing up to Easter hungover, late, and covered in black an blues from pole dancing. Daughter of the year.
I'm a bit broke right now... Would it be OK if I pay you in champagne and Xanax?
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
Last time I "ran into him" I ended up with the clap and had to explain why the ladder was missing from the garage.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
I have a whole new respect for her. She chugged half a bottle of jack daniels, and then peed all over his wall. Serves him right.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
You were yelling at them from the passenger seat saying you wanted your chicken for free because they couldn't prove it was from kentucky
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