They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
There's nothing worse than waking up naked on the beach covered in sand and a family walking by.
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
As an added bonus, you will have a "25 blowjobs a month" voucher, expiring thirty days after the first initial bj.
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
we got kicked out of McDonald's because you kept screaming THAT SHIT CRAY at the woman in front of us because she ordered a fish filet.
...that shit cray.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
They just broke the window so they could get in and smoke the taxi driver out...
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
wait you fucked a guy who wears k-swiss? seriously?
I know, im living my 7th grade dream
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Ok. After that I think I'm going to drag queen jello wrestling if you would care to join.
Randomize