I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
already putting money aside for 4/20. you ready for the greatest tuesday ever?
i told her my name was noah and she leans in and whispers "that makes me so wet." ive never been more thankful for the Notebook
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
4 months of living in europe has taught me the art of making a drunken stumble look like a dance move
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
She was wasted talking to my dad about the hunger games than she passed out in the shower and flooded the hotel room...
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
They need to leave so I can start drinking shamefully.
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
I feel like I may be the only person who can say they crutched their walk of shame. past the secret service.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Randomize
