Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Anyone who says sunshine brings happyness has never woken up with the worst hangover of their life to their window being open and it being a bright shinny day
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
Important life lesson - flammable and inflammable mean the same thing
I'm having post traumatic stress flashbacks of last night. That big. Don't know whether to call him again or change my name...
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Well, if it gives you any indication, when I got there, there was already some dude passed out naked in the treehouse.
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
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