Pappa wants mamma naked
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
We left the window open. My vibrators funeral is at 2ish.....bring a side dish or some shit.
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Dude. Why is there a hamster in my pocket? WHAT THE FUCK WAS IN THAT JOINT
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
Woke up with a 22 year old with the number for a different girl written on my stomach, almost 30 can suck my dick I still got this shit
We had sex on his sofa while his friend cheered and threw bugles at us
Changed all my ex bf's names to "no" in my phone so the next time I try to drunk text one of them it'll basically be like Russian roulette
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
Randomize
