You ran away and I found you three blocks later lying by a dumpster because "that's where your life belongs"
I have to brush my teeth today to feel like I did something.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Congratulations!! You are the WINNER of a brand new BLOWJOB!! You can collect your prize between the hours of 12pm and 1pm today, anywhere you'd like!!! :)
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
That was nice of you. Thank you for respecting the fact that I got cockblocked by a sophomore last night.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I just dried my bra with your hair straightener because the drier is broken again.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
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