dude we were spooning naked in bed with her ass in my crotch. she sharted in her sleep all over my dick.
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
Technically he's married but he says it's "not like that" even tho his wife lives with him. Not sure if I believe him but I'm sleeping with him anyway.
Walking into the first day of college is like walking into a meat market. A meat market of sex.
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
I need to hire someone full-time to slap food and dick away from me.
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
I thought it turned out lovely. You got to see me almost naked and I got to be stoned to the point I was content with
Wtf when were you almost naked??
There's a big difference between a penis and a toilet.
I’ll call you in a minute. Trying to book an AirBnB so I can finally bang the yummy guy from yoga
Your downward dog is going to rock his cock. I’m jealous
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