just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
sitting in my room eating a boneless rib tv dinner, and listening to taylor swift's love story, and i sharted. had to finish the ribs and hear the end of the song before i went to the bathroom to wipe.
this is a mass text: i just made a grilled cheese with an iron and pasta with the coffeemaker in the hotel room. bow before your new god.
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Ive given up on my natural charms. Im trying different accents till some girl wants to hook up with me.
Puking green right now......... jaimison mcflurry very bad idea
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
You knocked on your freshman year room door, told the kids who opened it "I own you", and attempted to force-feed them everclear.
I left my ice cream out over night, it's melted, fuck this, I just poured Bailey's in it. Problems solved.
You weren't stupid you just made an ass of yourself. It's called a birthday party. That's code for night of regrets.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
