At some point last night I thought pissing in a bottle was an awesome idea when I woke up a little piss was actually in the bottle a lot was on my TV remote
Why does everyone think all I do is drink? I go to class on wednesdays
i found a twelve pack under my bed. and a six pack in my closet. I'm like a fucking alcoholic squirrel.
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
Mark just took 50mg Viagra. Tonight should be interesting for the neighbors.
i had a super strange, mommy/daddy issuestastic, mildly freudian, i-might-as-well-become-a-stripper-now-and-stop-fighting-the-inevitable dream last night :(
Do you think accidently including this month's Credit Card statement in my application will keep me from getting into grad school?
Depends ... when did you purchase your vibrator?
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
I dont know if hes kidding... but hes drunk and said hes going to shave his balls. Alert your emt friends
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Just bought 2 liters of wine and frozen waffles for dinner. Is this 30?
Randomize