my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
I don't believe u have enough text space to describe the dimensions of his penis.
I could probably do something when Im able to get enough strength to think about thinking about to stand.
Huh. I think I went to highschool with the hooker my neighbor just brought home.
Not only did my parents pick me up from his hotel room in the morning, but he also came outside and had a casual little chat with my dad through the driver's side windrow.
he woke me up with all the stuff I had at his house in boxes i had to unwrap my own belongings and he said. Happy v-day its time to see ya day! Worst day ever
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
You know you've made it in life when the people in the next stall are cheering on your orgasm
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Drinking at 10 in the morning and swimming might not be the best idea I've ever had but it beats working
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