I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
We are so in love
so when's the next time you get to see your balls
is it normal that we went to that class once and both got 100's on the final? ohhhh, arizona state.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
bars should really give you discounts for bringing your own shot glass
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
Doing a walk of shame at Wal-Mart at 3:30am because when I left at 11pm I was getting milk
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
