Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
To think... Somewhere, too drunk by buckcherry is someone's theme song
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I did my dad and i had to keep going back there to pick up coffee
please read the first 4 words of that text and consider punctuation
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
I left puerto rico a week ago and my vagina still smells like coconut.
I woke up with the suicide hotline number saved as 'Hot Guy Josh'
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
My now ex hook up buddy realized I was hooking up with others when she saw my spotify sex playlist making appearances on fb. fml
He called me at 4am to ask me to marry him, then threw up into the phone for 10 minutes.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
If you bet guys that you can drink them under the table they will pay for your drinks all night until they pass out. I have this down to a science that I think even my dad would appreciate.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Then you guys just all showered together...?
Randomize
