Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
im walking the streets of bville with a bag of cat food..looking for my car. i dont ever want to turn 21 again.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
you had me at cake vodka
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
There are five fire trucks here and needless to say my booty call left so come back home whenever you like
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
I just farted so loud someone came to check on me. Thought something fell in my office.
I settled on "Merry Christmas! Btw you may have chlamydia". I thought a nice holiday greeting would soften the blow
The cop told me I was the prettiest guy he'd arrested in a while. I'm still not sure if it was a come on or not.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
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