I chugged a bottle of robotussein and i ducking saw a blind lady on a purch sewing a shirt! And a tree portal
He was completely serious when he said my boobs were like "majestic white clouds."
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
The fish's death was accidental. We all said a few words at his funeral. Roomie wanted to play only the good die young as he swirled down the toilet bowl
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
Never let a one night stand shower at your place. My razor, lotion, and brush disappeared. #girlcode
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
They left me at home... I'm a liability
if being 21 means slamming 99 cent margaritas at 3:00 in the afternoon on a Tuesday then call me Peter Pan IM NEVER GROWING UP
Hot guy next to me on the flight lives near my grandparents. There’s a 100% chance I end up drunk and naked in his hot tub
Happy Thanksgiving to me!!!
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