We even fucked WHILE he was making me breakfast in bed.
threw up in my backpack again. Asian guy I cheat from wasn't pleased.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
Said he had been eating pineapple for a week before our 1st date. Not sure if thankful for his consideration or offended by his assumption.
You guessed 7 of 8 bra sizes correctly. You're like a drunk rainman.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
First he fixed my gutter. Then he flogged me and fucked me. Then he bought me a new vacuum cleaner. I don't understand Daddy Dom stuff but I ain't mad at it.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
Randomize
