Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
I am midnight drunk by noon
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
There was a gorilla playing an accordion outside of my last final. I miss college already.
i think the bruises are from the grocery store. on separate occasions. i've been spending a lot of time drunk at the market lately.
i have a vague recollection of being in the parking deck around 4 this morning, and on monday morning i was naked on the roof.
that would mean it's on tape
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
Speaking is such a hard concept right now
I sliced my fucking arm open last night after margarita madness and had to drive myself to the ER. Got six stitches and a social worker came in and asked if I was abused due to my sex bruises. I literally had to tell her "don't worry, I like it rough"
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I woke up in the basement of a pizza restaurant... I would say the tequila hit me pretty hard.
She's just a lonely cunt and i hope she stays that way for the rest of her fucking life.
This seems like an over reaction to someone eating your fries.
I'm pmsing pretty hard.. .just cried 3 times while eating a Hershey bar dipped in peanut butter
Randomize
