She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
Banging bitches in a bar bathroom is not legit as it was in college, there are no fistpumps afterward only shame
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
Awkward family moment #1: walked in on my 15 yr old nephew packing a bowl. Nephew says- "lets not ruin christmas and keep this our little secret"
attractive or not, he has more than one book on serial killers. i'm gonna get out of here while i can
Unless you've also woken up wearing a poncho and a ring pop, I suggest you don't judge me. Okay, I even judged myself for that.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
Dude, did you know, your blood is contaminated with over 17 non-beer fluids?
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I can't possibly be the only person who has ever eaten Cheetos with a spoon to avoid the powder getting in my fingers
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
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