omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
Don't use my boy Weezy to support your whoreish tendencies.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
just went back to the bar and asked if they found a shoe last night.
You could say the cab driver was less than excited when we called his personal cell phone at 4am for directions back to our hotel after having blacked out at the club
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
he fed me chocolate as I gave him a handjob. I felt like a princess.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
I saw a shooting star while he was eating me out at 3am by my neighbors pool. Doesn't get more magical than that
I'm eating Doritos at 9am because last nights weed is just now starting to wear off
I'm just drunk enough to be eating egg rolls on the toilet
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
Randomize
