we both passed out while playing beer pong, woke up in the morning and continued to play coffee pong to cure our hangovers
Guess what I'm doing tomorrow?
Becoming a productive member of society?
Sam. Come on.
i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
plan d- we get drunk, go see that Justin Bieber movie and freak out 13 year old girls.
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
I'm so tired of waking up with my bed full of deli meats.
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
