More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Ps there is totally a drug addled prostitute in olympic pizza asking for change for a 100 bill
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
She insisted on fucking on the futon mattress on the floor, answered the phone call from her boyfriend who was on his way to pick her up, and then had the audacity to ask if I was clean
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
Softest bathroom rug I've slept on in my life, there have been many
You know how girls with huge tits have back problems? Do you get knee problems or something?
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
I am far too sober to understand you right now. sorry.
Randomize
