I'm just sayin. Is it sad that I spent my last dollar on a hamburger just to get a paper bag to huff out of?
He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
I'm trying to decide if I want to bring home my 'beer champion' trophy or my chem books.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
Pregaming before going to drink with a girl from Russia. Please make sure I'm not dead in the morning.
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
How many more of your relationships do I have to destroy before you realize sleeping with me isn't a good idea?
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
How does fucking Canada get Justin Good Guy Take Me Now, Just Fuck Me In The House of Commons Trudeau, and our new President looks like he bathes in cheetoh dust and sin?
I love how fuckboys immediately become cultured when I tell them I’m an artist.
Randomize
