so i saw this homeless guy this morning yelling at a pay phone like chewbacca.
That's what you get for being in filth-adelphia.
I did that thing where I cum for no reason again.
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
so i never found you. but i found vodka. so its kinda the same
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
Just bought all my wine for the weekend with a check at 11am. I'm almost judging myself.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
The night got interesting when the random guy next to us handed us a bottle of champagne and the rest of his ciroc bottle. When we asked why he did it, he proceeded to point at his friend who face planted the floor.
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
We could never date. He doesn't drink and he won't bring me tacos after sex. He's on that healthy life bullshit.
Randomize
