in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
SHUN THE NONBELIEVERS. THUS SAYS THE NIPPLE LORD
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
Bring me pizza. I'll trade you your underwear you left here for 2 slices.
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Randomize
