I looked at my own cervix.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I was so high i started crying when i saw how much puppychow was there.
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
I take pride in being a married 31 year old who sleeps on her best friend's bathroom floor from time to time.
You shouted, "LOOK I'M HAWKEYE," and beaned mike with a dildo from across the room.
He went snooping and now he's all intimidated by my super amazing box of sexy time toys.
Please stop calling it that.
you can't get cum all over my hair and then tell me you just want to be friends
I made the last cup in beer pong off the dude's hat. I also faintly remember rapping Forever by Drake during said game.
I think my life is a one-way ticket to blackout city.
Dude I can't beleive you didn't wake up. I literally f'd her IN THE DISHWASHER. Btw I'm pretty sure I also kinda broke the dishwasher.
Randomize
