I'm telling lies about you to make you look like a good person
i think i scared a bird with my dick
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
I woke up to blood crusted on my face. I don't understand
team rage. no explanation necessary
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
"Just cut me in half. Then take half of me home. And leave the other half here. Cuz I can't see."
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
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