Doug is wearing your sports bra fyi
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Look on the bright side, you can mark 'beastiality' off your bucket list
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
chlamydia ends and my period begins. this isnt real life
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I'm going home because your Crackraptor step-brother tried getting his nasty meat hawks in my pants last night.
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I feel like im becoming the girl who only drunk texts him. I would be in the dog house, if situations like this had dog houses.
Either of you know why the shower was on and the bathroom door wide open with no one in there at 6 in the morning?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
I tried to face swap with Chuck Norris. His face was too powerful... it broke my snap chat.
Randomize
