It smelt so bad when i tried biting off her underwear that i didn't want to touch with my mouth
That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
highlight from tonight: i hit on her and her mother.
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
I feel like tequila heightens the sense of my nipples.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
I just threw up vodka and hot dogs in a handicapped stall with someone in it who couldn't make me leave because he couldn't walk.
Slept at my ex's best friends house while my ex was locked out and I walked by him sleeping in his car this am
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
Bring shot glasses to the final. Don't ask questions.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
Randomize
