Just FYI I rubbed poison oak on all your sheets and blankets so we all will know who you hooked up with (in about a day)
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
he just watched a baby story on tlc while high and just called me screaming he never wants me to get pregnant
then he said we can't have sex anymore because ill hate him.
Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
I'll just dance on top of the ping pong table, and if it's stable enough for that, then it's stable enough for sex
All in all only spent $2 at the bar ln... Fucking love having a vagina
He was eating my ass and came up for air, I almost choked laughing because he had a toilet paper cling on stuck in his mustache
You came out in nothing but lingerie and a Jedi robe claiming you needed more of those baby hot dog things or you were gonna go all Sith on us
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
Do you want to talk about dinosaurs?
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I am way to hungover for it to be Thursday.
Randomize
