We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
All I remember is holding on to the elevator asking it politely to stop spinning
He couldn't stand on his own, but he managed to somehow to get to the beer garden and get served 3 more. I'm proud to call him my cousin.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
My bullwhip has saved my life tonight and gotten me laid. I'm gonna be Indiana Jones every Halloween!
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
He fucked me so hard I had an asthma attack. I'm like the sickly poster child for celibacy.
But I just had this pork pâté. It was dick grabbing.
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
I thought you might think I was an idiot who thought cock rings prevent STDs,
your girlfriend showed us your homemade porn last night.
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
there's fucking coffee grinds packed all inside my pipe. what did i do
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