I'm not unpopping my collar. This shirt is too expensive to crease.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
Well, it was good.. One step forward for my vaj.. One giant leap backwards for my integrity.
I like how he had to correct himself in stating that I was the fat one in the threesome.
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
You don't know how badly I want to just hold you as a soup spoon holds a bisque
If you hear a loud thud and smell ozone, I may have been electrocuted.
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I think I just got suckerpunched by a 14-year-old.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
Why is there a business card for people who need bail bonds in my wallet...
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