I hate your face
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
Good thing I was dressed to impress in my "I went nuclear on my wings" shirt even the girls are making out and I'm still 7th wheeling it...
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
Also, turning on the light this morning was a 3 step process. Way too hungover.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Drunk yoga at 11 am turned into me sitting on the couch making fun of the girl in the instructional video. By the way, what the fuck is a third eye?
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
omg his dad is hot
... I'm currently away at the moment. Leave a msg since I cannot express how much I can't help you stop ruining peoples lives.
he was like "can i get a kiss" and i was like "can i get a taco"
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
Had a one night stand and didnt remember the guys name until he started sending me poems in the mail.
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
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