I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
You told me you were pretty sure you were god because you knew everything about everyone.
It was weird to see you drinking wine out a glass instead of a red cup today
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
I woke up with your vibrator in my face
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
Fuck the library it's too quiet and makes me uneasy. I feel like I'm so isolated I should take off my pants or something
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
Randomize
