Well I thought that next 8 ball would either kill us or turn us into Gods
So I went on a date with this girl...and whos our waitress? My girlfriend got a second job she didn't tell me about to afford my bday present.
just next time i won't let coke make me think I'm superman and drink a shit ton.
so I got guilt tripped into giving her a new years kiss, and she proceeded to try and eat my face while mounting me. when you give a mouse a cookie...
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
Blood and glitter go together right?
Yeah I just don't know how I feel about my fuck buddy coming to work at my dads office with me.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Yeah, last night in the parking lot was hot. I'm sure whoever has the surveillance tapes thinks so too.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Um so I might have accidentally on accident maybe blew up the bottom half of your truck...
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
