they need to just BURY HIM!
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I want to frame my negative pregnancy test.
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
You make shower sex sound like waterboarding
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
I woke up this morning with a half eaten bagel and an empty pack of imitation crab meat in my bed. This is going to be my response to pick up lines now.
reason #1 why i should never live alone: i haven't put pants on since she left 26 hours ago. and ive made spaghetti 3 times.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Well. I think my red tank top is jinxed. this is now the second time it's gotten jizz on it.
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
