How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
My roommate just got home. Made an entire package of bacon. Ate it. And then went to bed.
I have never made a good decision in that bathroom...
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm chatting on my fake OkCupid account and watching Lion Witch & Wardrobe on my second screen. Hail me, King of the Creepers
It got quiet and we all stood around and opened the box and I've never seen so many burritos in my life man. it was fucking biblical.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
Oh, don't mind me, that's just my vagina rattling.
Still drunk, heading to class.
It's 3 a.m. Dude
Doesn't mean I'm not at my desk. Ill wait.
Randomize
