I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
some kid lit a j in the bar tonight. i was in awe of both his boldness and the severe beatdown he received moments later
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
Someone stole a lamp last night.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
Lets get drunk. But not too drunk that I can't work in the morning. But maybe drunk enough so we'll make out
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
