hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
i drank out of a bidet.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
Just woke up with an eye that wont open, a half eaten piece of pizza on my chest and a raging boner.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
he gave me a flinstones gummy vitamin and was like, "ya know.. because of ebola."
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Watching the series finale of Friends and crying in my Thai food. I don't like hangover Jared.
I told you I couldn't sleep because of the speed and you rolled over and replied "shh. just pretend."
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
Randomize
