I just tipped a bartender in xanax.
Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
bio was interesting today. swabbed my mouth to see what the cells where, ha. found a sperm cell. he was just that awesome
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
P.S. I just watched The Muppets. I feel like I just got a sadness enema.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
You are under a naked attack watch for the whole weekend. Shelter in place.
My mom just said she had more presents to wrap, so I should "smoke some weed & go back to bed"... She really is Santa Claus
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
i need something from you. video yourself doing naked jumping jacks and send it to me. it will make me smile
i dunno dude, he took his shirt off and is rubbing jello shots on himself. i think he's done
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
That's good. So do you know why there is a giant pile of old tires in the laundry room and kitchen?
Well we knew you needed some tires, found someone on the way home who was giving them away and took them all. Has to be 4 in there you can use.
Randomize
