weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I woke up on the ground next to a bed of naked men. I'm either a drunken genius or the enemy....
Of course the bar would go completely silent right as I yell out "I don't have AIDS"
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
I appreciate having someone to objectively critique my dick pics.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
I don't think it's a coincidence that the day I just happen to do the splits at the gym I come back with 7 guys' phone numbers.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize