Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
I'm like a new puppy, everybody wants to touch me
on a side note you can NOT make bong water out of a pear
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
Just had a thought: were the sirens on when we were in the ambulance?
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I'm just over here all sober hanging with two high people talking about how they're "free-spirited stallions."
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
He is getting married. In the time it took for this conversation he probably cheated on her three times
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Stop it. You know what r&b does to my body
Honestly, the only reason I've been productive today was because I ended up organizing my apartment while searching for my vibratory charger.
Your dad was just slow dancing with the priest and holding a beer. Classic
This is why I love being gay. I could never afford that much birth control.
Randomize
