Was i wearing a white blazer when you superpoke danced me??
I just woke up in the coolest sweatsuit i have ever seen..it has cory's name on the tag...do we know a cory?
He said finals are more important than getting stoned on 4/20. I'm proud in a disappointing kinda way
I imagine my 13 hours of sleep after my 3 day upper bender was similar to Jesus rising from the dead.
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I was pissing in the urinal at the concert and some drunk chick ran in and yelled 'but the lines to fucking long' then ran out with 10 state troopers chasing her... Yeah
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
We pretended the crowd cheering the Thunder's win was cheering for us while we had sex on the couch.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
You decided that walking wasn't in the cards for you anymore
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I actually just took 17 pictures of some guy at the gas station that needs to marry me now
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
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