im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I misunderstood what a threesome is. Please come pick me up.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
I dont know which is weirder.. the fact that i just watched our mom kick ass at beer pong and ride the pole like a true fire girl or the fact that ive never felt closer to her in my life.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
