in the practice room. just found 3 bottles of smirnoff hidden inside the piano. SO glad i didn't get into berklee...
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
I just dumped out my gym water bottle and filled it with white wine. This is the end.
I tried carrying you from the bathroom to your bed and you begged me to bring the toilet too
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
I am in an eBay bidding war over a build a bear one direction tshirt, this is who you choose to bone
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I slept with the Australian in the bathroom of a gay bar. What has my life become.
I just sent him a message bearing my soul about how much he means to me as a friend and his first response is "are you drunk?"
Shit like this is why I'm a bitch to everyone.
just spent the last 20 minutes cleaning out the soap dispenser. fuck. me. adderall.
Randomize
