Let's hustle tonight so we can relax tomorrow
Perfect. Like where your heads at
By relax I mean have sex
Lets date for the summer
what?
Dont love me in September.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
going to the gym drunk. fuck whoever made basketball season and getting a spring break ready body in the same season.
At what point did I eat out of your mouth?
Somehow I magically turned down a threesome last night. On my birthday. You're a horrible wingman.
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
He said I act like a cross between a kindergartener and a high 70 year old man. Which is inacurate because it fails to account for the disco obsession.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
Wait an hour then go and untie him. Bring toilet paper and some spare underwear. Want anything from Starbucks?
I know you think you’re ready to graduate but just keep these things in mind: taxes, I get up at 5 AM every morning, I have to buy vegetables when I go grocery shopping, and I can’t wear sweat pants to work. Take that victory lap and enjoy the sweat pants and bar hopping because it goes downhill real quick.
Randomize
