There was a point where some of my friends attempted 'moi's', which stands for makeout on introduction.
It involved going up to women and very aggressively trying to make out with them upon meeting them
Surprisingly the success rate was exceedingly high
Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
I got called a drunken housewife today in class. I'm proud, not many people can say they've achieved their life goals like I have by the time they turn 20
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
Half way through sex he whispered in my ear, " your the second best I've ever had" then proceeded to tell me to sit on his face.
Wake your sexy ass up. It's donut time.
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
what a fun peer-pressure-filled weekend
I keep picking up boring men who literally just want to cuddle. HOW AM I THIS BAD AT GETTING SEX?
My breath smells like dick and biscuits..
Randomize
