A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
Take this only to mean that we love you, but we're having a serious, half-hour, hypothetical discussion about how far we think we could throw you.
drunk enough to drink jager bombs out of a bowl on the kitchen floor.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
She wants to have naked weekends
They call that free range vagina in France
I was the only one at the party that didn't get their name taken by the police. I'm convinced that I'm the main character of Ferris Bueller's Drunken Adventures.
your fridge is broken, your sock drawer is full of snow, and you flipped off the whole stadium on the big screen. I'd say it went well.
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
He told me he loved me. I didn't know what to say so i just squirted the baby oil at him
Omg yes! I just found a random muffin! Don't question it. Just praise the miracle.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
I had my room mate call my phone after last night and it was in an uncooked quesadilla
Sorry about the Christmas balls dude. At the time I thought they were festive as fk but I see now I've just spent too much time on the internet
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
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