woke up and her hair clip was clamped around my shaft
One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
Asking him not to sleep with other girls is like asking me not to have my period apparently
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
You gave me your shirt to use as a napkin every time I spilled beer on myself. Before we went to the bar.
my drivers license is super glued to my shoulder and im to hung over to get it off come and help me
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Randomize