I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
I'm chugging Gatorade because i drank something called a trashcan and someone named Gianna diamond has my credit card number, and I think I might have ruined my life.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
I've already made the "blackout on move in day" decision
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
spending my first valentines day single in 3 years blazed and eating heart shaped brownies i bought myself. WHO NEEDS A MAN.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
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