nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
It's like you don't even want to get drunk with me everyday, anymore.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
Like my mouth was on his pelvis connected to his balls that's how far it was
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I'm a busy girl. All I wanted was noncommittal sex a few times a week
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
He kept checkin to make sure you were still alive after you passed out on his bed, After like the 4th time he walked back in there you were naked on his bed eating an apple, claiming he needed to be the Adam to your Eve..That drunk..
I'm remembering the time we thought it was a brilliant idea to put koolaid powder in shots of goldschlager
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
Took pain meds with RumChata this morning. It's like morning milk but better
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
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