Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
My wife caught me jerking off, I had to tell her I was thinking bout her
Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
No she hasen't showed up to my place yet, last I heard she was puking as she was walking without stopping near the park.
You left a trail of sequins from your dress incase we got lost
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
Do I need to call and sing lullabies? Because that's creepy, but I'm a really good friend.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
for once I'd like a one night stand where I don't meet the guys mom or wife in the morning
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
