That level of neurosis does not find love outside of Grey's Anatomy.
We're playing Big Buck Hunter to determine who buys the next pitchers. And they said video games wouldn't help me later in life
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I've woken up in some weird places in my lifetime, but never in a tent in my own garage.
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
That isn't the worst part. It got a bazillion times more awkward when he read me a poem he wrote about his dead cat.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I took advantage of the fact that my mentee had to go to the bathroom to throw up in the other stall. I'm going to hell for being hungover at an elementary school.
outside on the street drinkin, walked into a random house and asked to pee, some kid hands me a beer and says i have to chug it first
Randomize
