You're so nebulous sometimes
Apparently the guard had to repeat "you're too drunk to get in" three times before I understood. I guess he was right.
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
This does no justice to the amount of paint I'm covered in or the amount of balls I'm tripping.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Do you think if I tell the hot Santa at work that I want a sugar daddy for Christmas that he'll get the hint?
You gotta own your makeout pics Matt. They're like badges of honor
Do you know how awkward it is to get a dick pic while working at babies r us?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I woke up spooning with two strangers on Saturday morning... I felt like a sexual sandwich
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
Randomize
