No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
Cop gave me a ticket for public drunkedness, and then I convinced him to drive me back to the party
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i have now been nicknamed the screamer on the first, third, fourth, & six floor by all the ra's. only two more floors to go before i cover the entire dorm.
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
He sent me a picture of his dick as a snake, I'd say things are going great.
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
She was riding a razor scooter down the street wearing nothing but a feather boa it was beautiful.
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