Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
Just saw the first guy I gave head to lose in the french open...some how I feel better that my mistake made it to the same mistake as our relationship, the third round. Don't judge.
He said he had a problem he needed to take care of before we got omelets and then showed me his erection.
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
My little brother just suggested we drink the rest of the vodka because it's raining. My job is complete.
we're like Indians of the 21st century. trading not for food and survival but personal gain and by trouble you mean getting daytime drunk and going to the roller ring then yes.
And then you'll find yourself a hot chick and leave me behind with nothing but my back fat to keep me company.
You woke up, laughed, proceeded to throw up on me and then passed out again.
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Its only once in a life time you get to pick your vcard swiper up from jail
I just thought you should know... Instead of a glass of wine before bed I am having a few shots of 1800. This is what being a night shift nurse will do to you... Standing in your kitchen in your undies doing shots
Only good thing about being an essential worker is that I have a letter allowing me to cross the bridge into jersey to get booze
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