We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
Just got a nosebleed, my period and the runs all at the same time. I'm either dying, or this is the first sign of the apocalypse. You warning you in case it's the latter.
I mean I'm into guys with money but more into guys I'm actually attracted to
yeah i guess i'd rather he was hot than rich
wow i don't know if that qualifies as growing up but if it does i'm all in
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
You HAVE to stop telling me about the shit you do drunk. I can't be both your brother AND your gay friend.
They left a cherry picker with the keys in it on a college campus, what else were we supposed to do?
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Tinder has really served to stimulate the number of sex related demons summonings.
Fuck the system, do you have any medieval weapons?
Randomize
