just tell him i said nine months
My drug dealer asked me out. What's the protocal for this?
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
Second day of summer classes and i already got this girl to send me nudes during class
that is WHY your in summer classes
worth it
In a shocking revelation, I learned that the Easter Sunday shit show happened not because of vodka but because my gay neighbor drugged me.
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Prop 8 repealed and I FINALLY got my period. Good day for America!!!
Tomorrow after you go to the library to look up gay porn, I'm going to come to your apartment to paint a nude portrait of you. Get pumped, plopernickle.
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
Honestly, this is a first for me. I've always prided myself on my ability to pretend to get along with others.
If you come home to me in lingerie and you start vacuuming...I need to reevaluate my priorities
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
well you did quote socrates while playing beer pong and then proceeded to fall down
There's a lady rapping at me about making healthy food choices. She lives in a refrigerator. This is not okay with me
Randomize
