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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
my ass just sighed. even my farts are tired.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
i just turned the eviction notice into a beer pong list
he used his one phone call on me and it said "you have a collect call from- LETS GET IT- at the montgomery county jail".
when i came out to my mom, it was over brunch. i was eating a banana. not exactly my smartest breakfast choice.
I know I am usually the slut but tonight it's her. She is being a slut, yes slut, T as in Tomorrow, U as in Uterus, L as in Llama and S as in Sangria. That spells slut, but backwards and that's what she is being.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
you ever just feel like an organ is failing?
Let's be honest, college orientation is going to be "here's how to drink everclear"
I sent him a blank text because I didn't want to "drunk text" him.
They made Game of Thrones Oreos. Kill me.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
