dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
The first time he ever tried to hold my hand, I moon walked away.
We were having sex but then he spanked me and i punched him but it was just a reflex i swear
Next time we smoke please remind me to put my bong back in my build a bear box. My mom says if I leave it out one more time she's keeping it for herself.
well we woke up in different beds than the ones we originally fell asleep in, you were butt naked, and your boyfriend was sleeping on a cot in the middle of the kitchen. that might be why he's mad.
Randomize