I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
So my mom just called me into her room and showed me a condom wrapper she found in my room. "Oh that's from when I was like 16." I don't think that was very comforting.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
I'm in a bed full of sand, and also just took my contacts out. Whatever happened yesterday was great, I think.
Some poor guy found you passed out in a bathroom stall. Again with your dick out. Looks like you got to rage after all.
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
Signs you do Molly too much. Glow sticks fallout of random articles of clothing on academic row
Everyone should just give me a copy of their keys. I take your dog out and I bring beer.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
We're both fucking guys named Frank. Our friendship was meant to be.
So my dad just asked, "did you leave without pants a lil bit ago?"
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