there's just something about her that screams "i'm into chicks who wear flannel"
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
is there a reason why there is cup of piss in the fridge?
no
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
She said we could only have sex if she got to keep her fake moustache on during
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
Painting strippers breast and vaginas to look like easter eggs. What r u doing tonight.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
I feel I should send an apology letter to my anesthesiologist.
P.s. There are few things I love more than brand new mascara and you are one of them.
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
