You're my little dorito
I almost masterbated to the avatar love scene ha it was so hot
thankjk goddddn taco bell uis open htis lateee!
you do know it's eleven in the afternoon, right?
when are you leaving homes?
it's 7:51. why the fuck are you awake at 7:51
I had a sex dream about Oprah.
go back to sleep
dude. it was a sex dream. about. Oprah.
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
My mom said that if she can come this weekend, she'll buy the weed.
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
There are parrots here and they're headbanging to the music. There's also a clown and a pit bull that can jump onto tables. Too high for this shit.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
I love how encouraging you are, but I need you to stop me when the guy I'm going home with is a dead ringer for Nick Cage.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize