Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
If this place produced love children they would be born wearing Lilly Pullitzer with raging coke addictions.
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
She has 260 profile pics. In 260 she's ugly and in 255, she's making the peace sign with her hands...
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I met this girl the other day and found out her boyfriend is a helicopter pilot. How the fuck do you compete with that.
I feel that the drunker I get, the drunker Facebook gets.
Bitch, it's 2 in the afternoon.
I made out with a dude last night who has an ex wife. Is this what post grad life is about?
Omg have I shown you my skeezy ex fiancée?
The other one.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
Company meeting and there he was. Felt a little weird like 'last night you were telling me how your dick loves me, and now we're listening to a report on sales figures'.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I'm super depressed and stressed and I just want spaghetti and sex...
He makes bad life choices and drives a wagon, how is that not my type?
I'm going to get him a gold star sticker and put it on his dick
Randomize
