Half Baked? Au contraire, Ben and Jerry, I was fully baked when I ate that whole pint of ice cream.
I think i just got paid for sex with a hot pocket... and i accepted
You told him how lucky he was to be an elephant and kept trying to grab his "trunk"
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
do you think semen can infect my impacted wisdom tooth
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Someone just got kicked out of the mall for being dressed like a giant cat. I feel like this is in your future.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
Yeah I'm at work. Nothing like the threat of blowing chunks on passing cars to make you feel alive.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
well when I said that I would ride his face until he ran out of oxygen, that's when I knew I shouldn't be around beautiful people anymore.
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
Dude I may be rolling but there's no way I can make up a 12 ft tall giant green man waving to me right now
False alarm, security just told me it's a radio tower
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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