I'm afraid we're only dating because we're too lazy to look for anyone else.
I can text with my tongue
so evidently yelling "gay" everytime your bf tells you how he feels is cause for breakup. news to me
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
And I kind of want to stare at skinny jonah hill like a weird zoo exhibit lol.
Yea... you were given too many get out of jail free cards. God just gave up on you having a healthy and happy vagina.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Randomize
