I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Ok...drunk girls at the bar are charging $1 for motorboating. It's fucking WEDNESDAY. I never want to leave.
I feel like my teeth are sweating.
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
She's running around the streets punching people and narrating. I don't know whether to laugh or stop her
do I look like a person who has full control of their limbs and existence on this plane of reality
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
Its official. The summoning powers of my vagina are unmatched by anything in this world
On a scale of 1-10 how inappropriate is it for me to ask if Walgreens offers teacher discounts when purchasing a Plan B pill?
He deliberately gets me high because he knows I fuck better and then I make food for two. I don't know if I should feel mad or proud of him for thinking that far.
I know I may be showing my age by saying this but this is the first time I have been eaten out in the parking lot behind the Clairmont Inn since 1990
Randomize
