I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
we found you under the sink... we opened up the doors and you told us to go away because you were playing indian in the cupboard
Might just stay in and drink cuz of the hurricane. Yea I think Wisconsin might be safe but its a good reason to drink.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
I found a body half wedged into my bedroom wall this morning. How do I explain THIS to the carpenters?
FOund a bunch of old fireworks spring cleaning.
Who is our new insurance provider?
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
driving home hungover today was like a life test..it was like the goblet of fire
I'm just going to ride dicks all the way to the to the gates of hell
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
Failing this, see a doctor for elephant tranquillisers, to be taken with whiskey orally, twice at dawn.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
Randomize
