Riding a fattie is like riding a scooter, its ok just not in public.
I just accidently sent my poop smells like vodka to 27 people in my phone book
I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
I am so proud of him. After eating the rest of our shrooms, he finally registered to vote
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
It's just unfortunate. She's a 28 year old woman who looks as if a pelican and ET had a baby. With braces.
I got a text saying, "It's so great to throw tomatoes at seagulls."
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
I'm starting to think that birthday sex is just an urban legend. Like the boogey man, and woman orgasms.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
Randomize