I woke up this morning and I couldn't find my coffeetable. wtf?
I feel fat after drinking my meal replacement shake.
I added chocolate sauce, a bsg of m&ms and a crushed up brownie to make it taste better.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Don't play hard to get, I've seen some of the girls you've slept with.
I just want to do a slip-and-slide into a giant pool of jello shots right now.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
You turned byob into bring your own shit show. Good work.
We were basically fucking on the dance floor. People kept buying us drinks. It really only encouraged us.
I told her to not worry about it. Lone Star is an excellent first trimester beer.
Just once, I'd like to make it to my first wedding anniversary for a change.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
