Just got done shaving my balls. You were right.
do you have any idea why i woke up naked spooning my toaster?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He showed up in booty shorts and no shirt and said dont laugh dont ask questions and give me a fucking final and no one in class said anything we just sat there speehless
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I am 5' 11" of pure, uncut Fuck Off right now.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Don’t worry I was with my ex husband for 10 years and he could never remember the year I was born, when our dating anniversary was or what year I graduated high school. But I still know that mother fuckers SSN lol
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